Category: Joke Board
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness.
You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched.
You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way.
For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss.
You may look OK, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.
The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion.
There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy.
You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored Schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be
better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing.
You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has give n you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.
Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.
Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the pooh fairy out.
Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you.
You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.
Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater'
seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
Death sounds pretty good about right now.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loqu acious; Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.
) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight?
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
nice one izzy. lol that actually made me smile, cheers.
roflmao!
Nice, but if there's not pain, like in the first hangover scenario, then is it really a hangover? Oh boy, reading this brought back some pretty crappy hangover memories. The last one was so horrible I had to miss class and it was the first week of the semester. Luckily I didn't have to work that day, and I think it was the only time I've seen myself puke. NEVER EVER take the pill form of Pepto-Bismol. Actually, I need to back up, my absolute worst hangover was after my 21st birthday after I'd had 21 shots. Not a good idea! But my experience doesn't even qualify as a hangover, I'd put it in a class by itself and I'm not even sure what it'd be. I was sick for days after that, and I wasn't a drinking novice. I'm turning 30 next month, and believe me, I won't be attempting to break my 21-shot record. Does anyone besides me think that hangovers get worse as you get older? I didn't used to get them, but after I turned 25, it seemed like they got a lot worse.
Doesn't this belong on the jokes board? I've seen this before as a joke.
Puked my guts during my 21st birthday party all over my step brother's couch.